All in Good Fun
by DDAriSieg
Summary: Steve had frozen then, still leaning over his lover, trying to comprehend when this had gone from "all in good fun" to…this. "Get. Off. Me." In which Steve is okay with always bottoming, albeit curious, until he finds out exactly why Tony is so against doing it the other way around. He's very not okay with that. Steve/Tony. References to past rape/non-con. Switching.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's comment**

**So to take my mind off my AU project a little while without leaving the fandom, here comes a Pretentious Story™. (To anyone reading that, don't worry, I'm actually making some leeway with the draft. Good Stuff happened to me, and also, I skipped school to have time to write a bit XD But this kept nagging me, so I figured a break was in order)**

**Warnings for this chapter: LOTS of references to consensual sex between two willing partners, and (so far) very mild hints at less consensual situations.. Also some level of bottom-shaming/stereotyping or whatever that would be called.**

**This fic is inspired by the fact that I entered this fandom through Tony/Steve, but now prefer Steve/Tony, though I really think it's up to them and they can switch around all they want^^" I totally get that you can have a sexual preference for either or, but I generally don't like the notion that there's a bottom who's the "female" of the relationship, both sexually and somehow emotionally. (What does that even MEAN?) All I'm saying is that for smut, I am totally on board with Clint in this fic ;)**

**It's obviously also inspired by my sick love of torturing my favorite characters..^^"**

….

Steve loves sex. He doesn't particularly want to talk to everyone about it, but he is not ashamed to admit it to himself. He thinks he probably likes sex with Tony Stark best, but admittedly he's never been with anyone BUT Tony.

Not that he minds, really. He loves Tony, and he loves sex with Tony, so why would he ever mind?

It's not boring, certainly never boring. In the beginning they're both cautious, feeling their way around each other. But it doesn't take long for them to start experimenting; there are many ways of getting fucked, Steve soon learns.

Tony is good to him. He always asks first, never just assumes. (And Natasha has spoken long and seriously to him about assuming, and he's not sure if she was referring mostly to him or Tony or both.)

Steve considers himself pretty smart, not Tony-smart, but Tony is in a different kind of level. He considers himself smart in the way that he considers Tony strong, not superhuman-strong, but he can hold his own.

So really, it's a bit of a surprise that he needs Clint's input to start wondering. He later excuses himself with the fact that he was pretty blown away by all the gorgeous sex.

But once the idea has been planted, it's pretty hard to get rid of again.

…

"So what's it like?" Clint asks, and he's clearly drunk, but Steve doesn't really mind. He's used to his teammates drinking once in a while, and though alcohol doesn't have much of an effect on him, he likes how it makes especially Natasha and Clint more easygoing and approachable. (Though he suspects they are still much more in control than they let off)

"What?" Steve asks innocently, though he can see that Clint is watching Tony across the room even as he's speaking to Steve. He has a pretty good idea what he's referring to.

"Watching him come undone?" Clint asks, and Steve blushes at the phrasing.

"I mean, Stark is always so high and mighty. Must be fun to see him writhing beneath you, knowing your.." Steve makes a choked sound, but fails to make the drunk agent shut up.

"..dick has the power to make him moan like that.." And Steve is so blushing now, seriously, what is WRONG with Hawkeye, that is NOT something he wants to talk about, and also, that is weirdly phrased, like..

"What do you mean, my ..penis has the power to.." Clint looks at him like he's stupid.

"Well, duh, earth to the nineteen-forties. When you fuck someone, you kind of use your dick. Also known as penis, or cock. Or the one-eyed trouser-snake."

Steve is full-on blushing now, and he doesn't even know why it's so embarrassing, he KNOWS what a penis is.

"To dumb it down, I'm saying it must feel good when you INSERT your PENIS into the resident self-proclaimed genius, because Jesus, that guy needs some putting-in-his-place sometimes, if you know what I mean." Clint winks at him.

Steve is laughing despite himself, because that is just. That is ridiculous, right?

"I don't.." he starts, and cuts himself off.

"You don't..?" Clint asks and lifts an eyebrow. "Are you telling me you guys are not having sex? Because then I think I might just have to seriously reconsider my job. I'm supposed to be able to tell these things. Also, you TOLD me you were together now. Did you lie to me?" and Clint's exaggerated look of hurt is so out of place, Steve has to fight the urge to laugh again.

Why would Clint assume..?

"Well, just because you're together, you don't have to have sex," Steve says and means it. Though they totally do have lots of gay sex.

Clint looks skeptical of this. "So you don't have sex?" and is that.. disappointment? Steve isn't sure if this is the time to be mildly creeped out or not. Probably yes.

"Of course we have sex!" he says, flustered, too loud. Everyone turns to look at them, including Tony, and he's smiling at Steve. It's a mischievous grin, and Clint fades into the background as Tony walks up to the supersoldier.

"Hey, handsome. Did anyone say anything about sex?"

….

Nothing really changes. The sex is still mind-blowing. Tony is still a sweet-heart. A very sexy, oftentimes distracted sweetheart with his head in the sky. But still a sweet-heart.

Except Steve.. wonders. Sometimes he wonders what it's like to be in Tony's position. And once the thought is in his head he can't get it out. He thinks of how good Tony makes him feel, and he wants to make him feel the same. And on a very egotistical level, he also wants to know how good HE makes TONY feel.

And he realizes he doesn't want to get rid of the thought. It's a very…. Pleasant… thought.

…..

"Tony?" Steve says, carding his hands through the other man's hair. They're in Steve's bed, and Tony is curled against him. Steve likes to be the big spoon, not just because he's –well- bigger, but because he likes the feeling of having Tony secure in his arms.

He knows he can never tell him that way; Tony will laugh at best, and possibly take offence. But sometimes he feels like Tony is a fragile thing he could lose any moment and the urge to _**protect **_is so strong he hardly knows what to do with it.

"Mmh?" Tony's voice is sleepy. He often gets like this after sex; sleepy and cuddly, and Steve hardly knows what to do with the overwhelming feeling of "aww", because again: Tony would probably either laugh at him or take offense.

"Do you ever think.." Steve begins and trails off.

Tony shifts a bit against him.

"'m always thinkin'" he mumbles, and Steve chuckles.

"Okay, yes. But do you ever think about.." Steve is blushing, and he hates this part, but to him talking about sex is just not easy. It's something you're supposed to do, not talk about, right?

"Spit it out, Soldier." Tony sounds more awake now, and his body has become more tense, though he's obviously trying to keep a casual tone.

"Do you ever think about switching?" Steve asks quickly, because it's not that bad, he's not thinking about breaking up, or anything terrible. Except Tony only tenses up more.

"What, switching partners?"

"God, no!" Steve exclaims.

"Just between the two of us. Maybe I could, you know. Sometime."

"What, pilot the suit?" Tony asks, and Steve is starting to become annoyed. Tony always teases him, in trying to get him to talk even the least bit dirty.

"No, maybe I could fuck YOU, for once," he growls, and he's pretty pleased with himself for coming right out and saying it, and using the f-word as well. That'll teach him.

Except Tony is tense against him, and silent for way too long. It's really only a matter of seconds, but the pause is unnatural. And then he laughs. And it's not his usual good-natured "Oh Steve, you're so silly laugh", there's something harsh in it. Something mean.

Steve blushes more and feels like an idiot.

"Sorry, Steve," Tony blurts out when he finally stops laughing.

"It's just, that is.. That is ridiculous." He shakes his head, and starts to pull away. Steve lets him go, feeling humiliated.

"Why?" he asks, but Tony just shakes his head and gets out of bed.

"Look, _**darling**_, I don't know who put these ideas in your pretty little head, but NO ONE fucks with Tony Stark. Okay?" and his voice is soft, calm almost.

The words hurt.

But Tony's retreating form, and the lonely bed hurts more. Steve decides then and there to forget about it.

….

Except he can't, not really. Tony acts like nothing has changed, and so does Steve. But everything has changed.

He thinks Tony is trying harder, too. Going out of his way to please Steve, both sexually and otherwise. Keep him entertained, keep him happy. There's a certain desperation to the way he tries so hard, and Steve takes it as an apology for the harsh words.

But it's not enough.

Because Steve is not stupid. The way Tony said _NO ONE fucks with Tony Stark_, like getting fucked was somehow shameful, changes everything. And Steve can't help but wonder how Tony sees him then. Like some kind of …whore? Like getting taken from behind by one of the most competent and handsome men he'd ever met, made him weak?

Steve certainly doesn't see it that way – but he can't shake the feeling that Tony does. It's not a pleasant feeling.

…..

"So why is it so bad?" Steve asks casually, as he looks at Tony working. He brought his sketch-pad, but soon found that he wasn't in the mood for sketching at all.

"What, dum-E?" Tony asks absentmindedly, as he tinkers with what Steve can only assume is some kind of new and interesting arrowhead for Hawkeye.

"Dum-E is a he, and he's not.. I mean, he's not _**bad, **_that's not what I meant, he just.. Look, he's an old model, a prototype and one-of-a-kind, I know I talk down to him a lot, but he's not.. I mean, he's a good bot, he tries his best with what he's got, and.."

"I wasn't talking about Dum-E", Steve says, though he can't help but smile at Tony's defensiveness. He's really the only one who's allowed to talk bad about his own creations.

"Oh, okay." Tony says, and returns to tinkering.

"I meant about.. being bottom." Steve says, and now that he's said it he knows there's no going back.

"What is so different between Steve Rogers and Tony Stark?" he doesn't know if Tony registers the hurt in his voice, but he has stopped tinkering and turns very slowly to face him.

Tony looks a little bit like a deer caught in the headlights, which would've been funny if it weren't for the situation. It's a while before he says anything, and Steve tries to look strong and indignant, but some of the hurt must have seeped through, because soon Tony's expression is softening.

"Fuck," Tony says and that's.. not really an answer. He shakes his head.

"I mean, Steve, baby,.. I didn't.." Steve tries not to read too much into the silence.

"You know I didn't mean what I said, right?" he says then, and there's desperation there. Steve doesn't say anything.

"You're.. so much more than just a.. "" he makes quotation-marks in the air ""pretty little head" to me.." Tony is fidgeting in his chair, but Steve sits completely still.

"I just.. you took me off guard. I honestly hadn't considered.. I mean, I just.. I just don't think that's good for us, that's all. I'm the oldest, and.." he shakes his head.

"Not to go all Greek pederasty on this, but it just.. This just seems natural? Are you not.. enjoying yourself..?"

Steve has more questions, counter-arguments. Because Tony hasn't said the obvious thing, hasn't said "I just don't like that", instead he's listing off excuses. And Steve wants to be mad and say, well, technically I'm way older than you and besides, I'm the biggest and strongest, doesn't that count for something? But Tony just looks so damn vulnearable, and suddenly all Steve cares about is the urge to _**protect**_, so he nods, slowly, and gives Tony his best smile.

"Of course I do! Let me show you just how much…" and gets to his feet. There's nothing like sex, when it comes to curing awkward situations.

….

It soon becomes a bit of a game. Steve will look at Tony and make the suggestion, and Tony will roll his eyes and say that a "brat like him needs to know his place", and if the words sting a little bit, Steve doesn't let it show. It's all in good fun, after all.

It gets a little ridiculous, with Steve making lewd suggestions and Tony coming up with more and more silly excuses. (At least Steve is getting better at dirty talk.)

It's as if they're trying to scare away the elephant in the room by making fun of it, but it's a heavy elephant, and it seems to have settled comfortably in their bedroom.

….

"You think you can take me!?" Tony had sneered the words, eyes clouded with the sort of hatred he usually reserved for particularly depraved villains.

Steve had frozen then, still leaning over his lover, trying to comprehend when this had gone from "all in good fun" to…this.

"Get. Off. Me."

And Steve had scrambled back, hurt and confused by the anger. He hadn't DONE anything, he had just flipped him around, it wasn't..

Tony had bolted from the room before Steve had the chance, which was unusual, especially since it was Tony's bedroom.

"Jarvis?" Steve's voice shook with barely suppressed emotions. He'd long since gotten used to the fact that the AI was basically always with them.

"Yes, Captain?"

"What.. just happened?"

"I believe this is beyond my expertise, Captain," the smooth British voice answered him.

"But Sir seems to be experiencing some sort of panic attack."

_End comment_

_Haha, wow, that escalated quickly!? I think this will be three chapters, but I'm not entirely sure^^" Present tense is an absolute pain the arse, I don't know what I was thinking. I just kept accidentally changing to present tense in my AU and finally thought "okay, let's give it a try.." It's not something I've used often, so if I fucked up the English grammar anywhere, I'd be pleased to know :)_

_This has a lower priority than my long story, so don't expect an update before that one's been updated. _

_Feedback is very much appreciated :)_

_Also, if you do comment, and feel like it, please choose between U, T and A. They are different options for something in the next chapter, that I can't quite make my mind up about XD (And this is so much more fun than a random generator :P)_


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's note**

**So, as you may have noticed in the last paragraph of last chapter, the tense has changed. This is /actually/ intentional, because the first chapter was supposed to be in a certain style as a sort of prologue, while this is more "a story", so to say.**

**That sounds like complete rubbish, which it kind of is. But just.. go with it. This is fanfiction, the land of creative freedom, yeah?**

Steve stared straight ahead, feeling the worry settle in his stomach at the AI's words.

"_Sir seems to be experiencing some sort of panic attack."_

A Panic Attack.

Why?

Because of him?

Steve closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. He could still see Tony's eyes. See the moment they changed, the way they'd gone from _oh-you-think-you're-sneaky-huh _to what could only be decribed as _**hatred**_. Pure, vicious fury.

A panic attack.

Steve opened his eyes and got to his feet, scrambling to get his clothes back in order. They hadn't even been having sex, they were just fooling around on the bed. And Tony was just so _**obnoxious**_, high and mighty, thinking he had it all under control.

So maybe Steve was a little bit annoyed. Maybe he wanted Tony to remember that while he kind of was younger, he still had an advantage over him. Maybe he wanted to remind him, that yes, Steve knew his place, but only because he chose to know it.

Tony might brag about his intellect, but Steve was a damn _**soldier, **_a super-soldier at that, and if he wanted to, he was the one who could manhandle Tony any day.

He still had that. Right?

So maybe it had been unexpected, because Steve never really used his superior strength in the bedroom (why should he?), unfair even, but then again; Tony was the one who insisted he and only he had the right for dominance at this party.

So in retrospect, no. It may not have been entirely in good fun. Steve had wanted to prove a point. He hadn't planned on DOING anything of course.

That was, unless Tony had changed his mind at that moment, but that.. That was something that belonged in his forbidden imaginations, and Steve hadn't expected Tony to give in so easily.

He'd expected him to laugh. Shove at him, maybe, and Steve would hold on just long enough to make his point; that he COULD hold him down if he wanted to. He just chose not to. Maybe he'd tickle him, startle a laugh out of him, and kill some of the tension.

Or maybe Tony would be a little bit angry too, but then perhaps he would think about this whole thing.

Maybe he'd go shoot that damn elephant.

Or something.

Steve wasn't sure what he'd expected anymore. He couldn't think clearly. It didn't matter.

Tony hated him.

No, scrap that. That wasn't hatred, not really. Desperation, pehaps. _"A panic attack"_, Jarvis had said. Terror, then. Like a cornered animal, lashing out when it no longer had a place to run to.

How long had Steve been pushing Tony into that corner?

Steve's mind reeled at the implications.

He remembered the time immediately after the serum. How he'd feared his own strength.

"_Will I be one of the bullies now?" _he'd asked himself. _"Will I even know if I'm one of the bullies?" _He'd fought hard to always be righteous, good. To only ever use his strength to protect those who couldn't protect themselves.

He considered himself trustworthy. He certainly had expected Tony to trust him.

"Jarvis?" he asked, standing awkwardly at the door that led out of the bedroom.

"Where is Tony now?" he wasn't sure if he wanted to know to avoid him, or to seek him out. He desperately wanted to comfort him, but being the source of his fear left him at a loss of what to do.

_-How can I protect against bullies if I am the bully?-_

"Sir is currently in his workshop," Jarvis informed him, a tense note to his voice.

It had taken Steve less time than most other occupants in the tower, to warm up to Jarvis. While Natasha mumbled about "Asimov's law", and Bruce had fretted that it just wasn't *possible* for an Ai to be truly sentient, Steve had taken Tony and Jarvis' words at face value.

In Steve's youth, the 2000's had literally been the stuff of science fiction, and Steve had accepted most things at face value. Jarvis was a voice in his house, a butler of sorts, and a friend. He didn't need to understand how that worked, to see that it did.

Jarvis cared about Tony as much as all of his friends, perhaps even more; Tony had basically created him, after-all. The two were rather.. co-dependent.

So Steve immediately picked up on the tense note in the AI's voice, the worry as obvious and alarming as if it had been expressed by Pepper.

"Is he okay?" Steve asked tentatively, as he walked out the door and started pacing back and forth in what was essentially Tony's livingroom. No one ever spent much time there, Tony was usually either in his workshop or the shared areas.

(Or in bed with Steve. But he really couldn't afford to think about that right now)

"I don't know," Jarvis answered after an unusually long pause.

"He won't talk to me." And the note of distress was more obvious now. Steve paused in his steps. That was.. unusual. As much as Steve regretted that Tony didn't always confide in him, he was happy that he usually seemed to share with the AI.

"What is he doing?" Steve asked, dreading the answer.

"Nothing." Jarvis said, and Steve couldn't help the "he's not even drinking?", though he immediately felt bad for assuming so.

"No." Jarvis said, far from his usual eloquent self.

"This behavior worries me," Jarvis confessed, and Steve had to wonder how anyone could ever doubt the humanity of the AI.

"The bots are getting anxious as well, but Sir seems to be ignoring them. Dum-E is quite upset."

It wasn't normal for Tony to be doing nothing. The man was a whirlwind of motion and emotion, even when he was most anxious, he seemed to react with a barely controlled mania, leaving equal parts creation and destruction in his wake. Even in the grips of the deepest melancholia, you'd see him with a drink in hand and a fake smile as he obviously tried to distract himself with whatever new project he still managed to hold unto.

"Catatonic" or "apathetic" were not words Steve had ever considered might apply to the genius.

Of course he was probably overthinking this.

"Do you want me to come down there?" Steve asked. He was at a loss for what to do, but he trusted the AI's judgement.

"Considering the.. circumstances.. of this particular predicament, Sir might not respond well to your presence," Jarvis said, his voice gentle, but the words stung anyway.

Steve nodded, trying to think through the haze of - _Tony is hurt, have to protect him,-_

"And I don't think Sir would appreciate anyone else see him in this ..state," the AI seemed mildly confused as how to categorize the situation.

"No, you're right." Steve said. For all his brass friendliness, Tony was ultimately a very private person.

"Let me know if anything happens.." Steve said, and as always when feeling helpless, he headed towards the gym.

….

"Captain?" Jarvis asked from somewhere in the ceiling, and Steve stopped mid-punch. He had to jump back, not to be hit by the punching-bag when it came swinging back around.

"Jarvis," he acknowledged.

"Sir seems to have returned to a normal state. He is doing unnecessary repair-work on Dum-E, a common practice if Sir has been disturbed, but is feeling better."

Relief was water.

…

Steve slept alone that night, or rather, he didn't sleep alone.

…

He spent an hour in the hallway towards the workshop, cup of coffee in hand, trapped. When he finally made up his mind to go down there, he realized the coffee would be cold, and headed back to the kitchen.

…

A few hours later Tony showed up by himself, casually strolling into the kitchen. He caught Steve's eyes and smiled, a little too calculated, then went for the coffee-machine.

"Is there more left?" he asked casually, even though they both knew there would be.

Steve nodded mutely, still unaware how to deal with the situation. Tony, however, seemed quite confident that they wouldn't be dealing with it at all.

"Do we have any breakfast? I mean, real breakfast, not oatmeal or whatever it is you always eat. Not that that's a problem, I mean, oatmeal is a fine meal, but I prefer something more –"

"There's fresh bread on the counter," Steve stopped him before he could get too far in his ramblings.

"Ah, great. Bread." He took a few buns on a plate, and balanced the coffee in his other hand.

"Okay, so I'll just – I have something I need to finish, so I'll be taking this to my workshop –"

"Don't you want anything on those?" Steve couldn't help the question, but Tony was already out the door.

…

"Jarvis?" Steve called an hour later.

"Did Tony ever eat those buns?"

"Sorry, Captain. You are not prior to this information."

….

Nothing had really changed, yet everything had changed. Steve was getting tired of that nagging notion in the back of his mind. The sense of _**wrong **_that had been growing for too long.

Had been blown out of proportion, before he could contain it.

"Steve, do you wanna spar? Come one, Steve, you love sparring!"

_**Wrong**_

"You should SEE the project I'm working on right now, it's beyond anything you've ever –"

_**Wrong!**_

"You know, you're welcome to join me in my shower any day, soldier,"

_**Wrong!**_

"Steve, darling, is anything the matter? Don't you wanna do this..?"

_**Wrong!**_

"Stop it," Steve mumbled, with way more force to his words than he'd intended. Tony immediately stepped back, all big brown eyes, and _**goddamn his eyes**_.

"I'm sorry?" the incredibly stupid genius said, blinking in confusion.

"You're sorry?" Steve asked, the rush of feelings too much, the weight of silence suddenly unbearable.

"I flip you over in bed and you react like if I had tried to KILL you," Tony flinched, but didn't say anything. "You run off and I have no idea what even just HAPPENED, and then the next day you show up like it's business as usual," Steve's voice was getting softer.

"For a week you act like nothing is the matter, except you refuse to TOUCH me, and then –" Steve gestured between them.

"Suddenly you're all over me, and you just.. You just expect me not to be even a LITTLE bit jarred by this behavior?!" his voice went up a bit at the last exclamation.

"Uh.." Tony said, and it was rare and a little bit scary to see him at a loss for words.

"Tony, I'm not stupid." Steve said gently.

"You're right, I gotta go," Tony said, and quickly started to retreat. Steve caught his wrist, desperate to hold unto the man now that they were finally touching the subject.

Tony froze on the spot, for just a moment too long, before he turned towards Steve. All polite smile and deadly eyes, reserved for his most hated politicians.

"Could you let go of me, please?"

Steve let go as if he'd been burned, and did his best not to bang his hand against the wall as he watched Tony's retreating form.

….

"So, Steve," Clint said, as he took the seat in front of him.

"What?" Steve asked, too tired and worried to be polite. It wasn't like Clint cared either way.

"Is everything okay between you and Tony? Did you give him time-out in the workshop? I haven't seen him since yesterday."

"We're fine."

….

"Uhm, ..Captain," Bruce sounded hesitant, and Steve knew what he was going to ask even before he said a word.

"I think Tony's locked himself up in the lab.." that much was obvious, yes. Bruce was frowning, and Steve wondered if he'd said that part out loud. Dear god, he was turning into Tony.

"Maybe you should get some sleep," Bruce said gently, and that wasn't actually what Steve had expected. So maybe the doctor was right.

….

Thor was surprisingly subtle, for someone who'd never had to be.

"Our friend Stark seems to be in a foul mood," the Asgardian commented, while looking intently at Steve.

"What, you spoke to him?" Steve asked, feeling hopeful.

"Nay, I have not. However, in the past the Man of Iron's disappearance has oft been caused by such a dark spell."

"Tony often works for days on end," Steve weakly defended the situation. "Doesn't mean anything's the matter."

"Aye. But on such occasions you are usually there to keep him company," Thor said gently.

….

Natasha, however, was surprisingly unsubtle, for someone who'd been working as a spy for most of her life.

"Tony has been in his workshop for four days straight, and you walk around like someone executed a puppy in front of you," she said matter-of-factly. "What seems to be the problem?"

Steve shifted in the sofa, wanting so badly to spill it all, but hardly even sure where to begin. He looked around the TV-room, checking to see if they were alone.

"It's.. complicated," he said finally. Natasha cocked her head to the side.

"It always is." She smiled then.

"But probably not nearly as complicated as you two idiots are making it." Steve didn't get to comment, as the call to assemble rang through the building.

…

After the frankly odd mission, and subsequent awkward debrief, it was no surprise when Coulson asked Steve to stay.

"Care to explain the situation to me, Captain?" Coulson asked gently, and took a seat. Steve looked innocently at him.

"Like my teammates have explained: The giant rabbits turned out to be a distraction for –"

"Not the mission, Steve." Steve stopped, and leaned back. With the team and Tony gone, he allowed some of his exhaustion to show through.

"I know," he said darkly.

"You're wondering about me and Tony right? You're afraid it will jeopardize the team?" Coulson didn't say anything, but looked straight at Steve.

"Frankly, after today, I think you might be right." Steve leaned his head in his hand. The reality of the situation was starting to get to him.

"You and Stark have had your differences in the past," Coulson said and seemed to be considering his words.

"After you finally got involved, it has been blessedly quiet." Steve didn't say anything.

"But this.. Whatever it is, lover's quarrel?, Is worse than any other time. Do you recognize why?" Coulson's eyes bore into Steve's.

"Because even through all those fights, within all those misunderstandings and misconceptions.. At the end of the day, the two of you handled every official situation, mission or debriefing like professionals." Steve winced at the implication, though he knew Coulson was right. Captain America and Iron Man had always made a great team, even when Steve and Tony were barely on speaking terms.

The fact that Tony had actively avoided fighting alongside him had been as much a shock to him as anyone else. The genius' quiet demeanor at the debriefing, and short deliberate answers had only made the oddness that much more obvious.

By the end he had actively ignored everyone's questions, and returned straight to his workshop.

"I know," Steve said again and he felt like a schoolboy being scolded by his teacher.

"Of course you do." Coulson said, and smiled softly. Steve thought it was sympathy he could see in his eyes, but it didn't make him feel better.

"So, Steve.." and again Coulson was using his first name, and it made Steve a little uneasy.

"Care to explain the situation to me?" And this time Steve didn't have a choice, he was out of distractions; and maybe Coulson did have a right to know.

Whatever the case, Steve desperately needed to talk to someone about it. It wasn't like he was making any headway of his own. He had decided to give Tony space, and let him be, but his plan hadn't seemed to work in anyone's favor.

"It's quite literally a lover's quarrel," Steve said, and braced himself for the information he was about to pass on.

"So it has to do with your sex-life?" Coulson asked, and Steve was oh so thankful that this was him, non-judgmental, neutral Phil Coulson.

"As such, yes." He said and hardly blushed.

"I thought we should try something new, but Tony didn't react well to it." Steve continued, avoiding the agent's glance.

"I would have let it go, but for various reasons his blank refusal bothered me, and I.. I may have been a little pushy." He was blushing now, not so much because he was talking about sex, but because his actions seemed less-than-noble when he put it that way.

"I didn't really do anything though, but I messed something up, and Tony was really mad with me, or.. Really frightened of me, I'm afraid. Since then things have been awkward, but as of four days ago it took a turn for the worse when I tried to get him to talk about this whole ordeal.." Steve sighed, barely keeping the distress out of his voice. He was hiding his face in his hands at this point, but forced himself to look up at Coulson.

The agent's face was unreadable, but Steve got the distinct feeling, he was trying to read the whole situation simply from Steve's face.

"Did Tony ever make you feel uncomfortable? Sexually?" he asked finally, and Steve immediately shook his head. He'd been annoyed, feeling like he didn't take his ideas seriously. But he'd never been uncomfortable.

"Do you think you ever made Tony feel uncomfortable?" Coulson asked then, and Steve didn't immediately shake his head this time. He wouldn't have thought so until recently, but after Tony's freak-out during the _**incident **_he had given it some thought. There had been times, when Tony would be a little too eager to get out of certain positions, sudden fake smiles that didn't belong when it was just the two of them, excuses and finally _**anger. **_Tony had always been one to believe offense was the best defense.

"I hope not." He answered finally, which was the truth.

Coulson sighed, and he seemed a little tired, but not angry.

"Usually I would say that you are two grown men, and it is your own problem to solve." He said, and continued "But you seem not to be handling things too well, either of you."

Steve wasn't sure whether that should make him offended, but he didn't dare say anything. Frankly, he was desperate for some kind of input.

"So listen up, Steve: Tony Stark is not your average guy. I hate to admit it, but no one can deny he's a genius at what he does. He is also a flawed individual, like everyone else, you would say. And yes, that is correct. But Tony's biggest character flaw isn't the narcissism, or the inability to take orders and play well with others. Or even the crippling self-doubt.

It's his inability to face reality head-on, to tell and hear the hard truths about himself."

Steve wasn't sure where the agent was going with this, or if he even agreed, but he listened intently anyway.

"Do you think he ever dealt with being held captive and having his heart halfway torn to pieces? No, he created the ultimate distraction and became Iron Man, a super hero. But don't you think it still bothers him? Of course it does, he's no more Iron than any of us." Coulson looked at his hands for a moment.

"He's a genius at creating distractions. His whole life clouded in glamour, distracting anyone from looking too far below the surface. Including himself, or so I assume."

Steve wasn't too sure if he liked where this was going.

"So what I'm saying is: Stark may be annoying, but he rarely acts unreasonably without reason. If he does something that sidesteps performance, something that damages his image.. Something that makes you question his competence? THEN it's worth caring about."

Steve nodded. He wasn't used to Coulson speaking so much; the agent usually preferred to let others do the speaking, while he simply gathered information in the background.

"So as your handler, my advice is this: I hope this is just Stark throwing a hissy fit, but if I were you, I would take the situation VERY seriously, and ask myself what on earth could make him have that reaction to what I'd done."

"Yes sir." Steve said, subdued.

"Now go; I'll give you a while to figure things out amongst yourselves, or I will have to speak to Tony."

"Understood." Steve stood up, and went towards the door. He needed to be alone with his thoughts.

"And Steve? I don't think this is something you will find in any of Shield's files. If you can't speak to Tony, Mrs. Potts or Colonel Rhodes are probably your best bets."

Steve nodded grimly, and left the office.

He had some digging to do.

_Author's note:_

_On the eating of buns:  
I imagine Tony telling Jarvis "don't tell Steve I threw out that bread, okay, he worries way too much and also he doesn't like it when I waste food", and didn't think further. So Jarvis couldn't tell Steve that he didn't eat, but "I'm not allowed to tell you" is essentially his way of saying "no, he didn't". ^^"_

_I made up my mind –at least so far- to try and stick with Steve's pov. It's a bit of a challenge, as I find Tony much easier to write. But I think that especially as long as we have some level of mystery/discovery going on, it's the best format I can think of._

_This is definitely going to be longer than three chapters, I seem to have severely underestimated my own slow pace. I hope people aren't too disappointed that there isn't much in the way of resolution so far. But I feel that the chapter is long enough as it is._

_Thank you so much to everyone who commented or favorited/subscribed, I am happy that this has been so well-received :)_


	3. Chapter 2,5

**Author's note:**

**Just a super-über short chapter, to say "Hey! I'm still alive!" **

**My computer has taken it upon itself to die (gloriously, while battling a heavy duty adobe-program, may it forever do battle in Valhalla.) (Though I suspect it was actually the charger that assasinated him, oh well, we will never know now.)**

**I hope to find a replacement soon, and get on with this and my other story, not to mention all the X-men days of future past oneshots just begging to be written..~**

"This is ridiculous," Tony said out loud, speaking as much to himself as to Jarvis and the bots.

"I would have to agree, Sir," Jarvis said, and Tony ignored him. He could do without the sassy AI's remarks right at this moment.

He paced back and forth, not bothering to even pretend to be working on a project. He hadn't intended to run away from the briefing, but Steve had been there, and he looked so much like a kicked puppy - It made Tony more angry than he had any right to be.

Steve who had no idea what he had done wrong, Steve who always did his best for anyone, Steve who was righetous and good, though not nearly as innocent as Tony had once believed.

Tony should've seen this whole thing coming, it was embarassing to admit even to himself, that he'd never dared think about this day. Shied away from it like a _**coward**_, even when it was so obvious that he'd need a fucking _**gameplan**_.

First off, he could've been nice about it. Explained that it just wasn't something he enjoyed, though Steve could quite obviously provide it. Instead he had to go and make a competition out of it, because competing with Captain America was always such a GRAND idea!? Like hell.

And if it came to this; if Steve refused to back down - Well, then he could've broken up with him in a way that would've preserved the dignity of both them and the team.

Now instead he had a worried or pissed off Steve on his hand, and there was no way the rest of the Avengers wouldn't have realized that there was a problem.

Coulson was probably furious with his unprofessionalism; Natasha would've had her original profile proven right.

"Volatile..Don't play well with others.."

And worst of all, he had no excuse.

He could leave the workshop right this moment; go apologize to Steve, go play teammate with everyone else.

Except for the fact that his feet simply refused to go near the door.

Except for the sheer _**panic **_at the thought of facing Steve.

The overwhelming fear, like the super soldier would be able to see straight through him, see all the uglyness hiding right under the surface; see all the dirt. Understand his egotism in dirtying his Captain along with him..

Until the call to assemble, Tony had honestly believed himself just to be sulking - But the spikes of anxiety at the sight of Steve had confirmed his darkest fears.

He was a coward.

He was _**still **_a coward.

_End note_

_Random tidbit is random. Looking forward to being able to write and post the next __(real!) __chapter!_


	4. Chapter 3

**Author's note:**

**I.. have.. a.. computer! :D It's a cute, second-hand lenovo t400s ^^ It's what I could afford, and it can't run a lot of the programs I would usually dance with, but at the end of the day, my most important program is text-editing software, so y'know.. I think we'll be great pals!**

**This chapter is a loooot of dialogue. Personally I love writing and reading dialogue, but we all have different tastes, so apologies to those who are turned off by that ;)**

**No, seriously. SO MUCH DIALOGUE. Don't hate me please?**

Steve didn't waste time after his talk with Coulson.

He went straight to his room, an uncomfortable feeling of dread in his stomach. As far as he could tell, Coulson was suggesting that something was _**the matter **_with Tony.

Steve of course had already known this, and he had to agree with the team's handler on several points. This was out of the realm of normal Tony-behaviour, and the circumstances were frankly unsettling.

The thing was; Steve was not Coulson, nor Natasha or Clint.

He wasn't a spy by nature or profession.

He wasn't very happy with the idea of going behind Tony's back to seek out personal information about him, even if Coulson thought that was the best idea.

He looked around his room, suddenly unsure why he had come here. He needed desperately to talk to Tony, not Rhodey or Pepper or anyone else.

While he hadn't actually tried, he doubted Tony would've opened the workshop to visitors again.

"Jarvis?" he said, looking towards the ceiling mostly out of habit.

"Yes Captain," the AI's voice was neutral. Steve was quiet a moment. If he didn't ask he couldn't be turned down.

"Do you think I would be allowed into the workshop?" he asked finally, then realized the vagueness of his statement.

"That is, could you ask Tony if he would be okay with me coming by?"

There was silence for a while, then Jarvis made a static hiss-sound, that Steve thought was a type of sigh. "Sir says he is busy at the moment.."

"Bullshit," Steve muttered, clenching his fists. He surprised himself with the hot anger boiling within him at the AI's words. It wasn't that he was angry with Tony, or even Jarvis. But the feeling that something was the matter with Tony, and that he _**wouldn't let him help**_, made him feel utterly helpless.

He wanted to fight someone and make it all better; but there was no apparent enemy.

"Sir is sorry," Jarvis offered in a slightly lower tone than usual, and Steve fell back to sit on the bed where he had tried to sleep last night.

"It's okay," Steve offered, though he knew it wasn't really a two-way communication.

He lay down, and stared into the ceiling.

"Jarvis? Can I talk to you?" he asked then.

"Always, Captain." There was a warmth in his voice.

Steve tried to think of Natasha, the way she always managed to get the information out of people without seemingly having to even ask. How people would sometimes give her information they themselves didn't even realize the significance of.

"How has Tony been doing these past few days?" he asked, though he'd already asked the AI to tell him if the genius was doing something out-of-the-ordinary dangerous or unsettling a few days earlier (He had tried not to consider how easily Tony should be able to override that command)

"He has been working," Jarvis seemed to consider. "He has been upgrading his armor," the AI clarified.

"I haven't had any reason to worry, though I would agree that Sir's actions in today's mission were questionable."

"Has, uhm.." Steve considered for a while.

"You're always with him, right? In the suit?" he asked, though he already knew the answer to that question.

"Unless there's been some kind of malfunction, then certainly, yes. Why?" The AI seemed mildly confused.

"Has there been other times, where he.. Where Tony behaved irrationally while in the suit? I mean.. What I mean to say is, did Iron Man ever behave..less-than-rational.. in public, I mean?" He thought of Coulson's words.

"_If he does something that sidesteps performance, something that damages his image.. Something that makes you question his competence? THEN it's worth caring about."_

Jarvis was silent for a little while, then he spoke, and his voice seemed a little bit lower than usual.

"There was the time of the Palladium poisoning," Steve looked up. Tony's file had mentioned something about that. The palladium used in the archreactor's core had been poisoning him, but he'd been saved thanks to creating some ..new element?.. that somehow had ties back to Howard. It had all seemed strangely convenient, and a little bit too sciency for Steve's tastes.

Besides, back in those days he had been more interested in the brief mention of his old friend, than the rest of the report.

(For all that Steve respected Coulson, the man had an amazing ability to make anything sound a little bit boring and trivial. Steve could still sometimes snicker at the neutral descriptions in his report about the Loki/Chitauri Incident.)

"What then?" Steve asked.

"Well, Sir did many an inadvisable deed in those days, but the, how did you phrase it? Most public and irrational, was certainly getting drunk while wearing the suit."

"In public?" Steve asked, flabbergasted.

"Well, it was a private party." the AI corrected. "But a private party to Sir's liking. There were plenty of guests, and frankly I would've stepped in and taken control of the suit, if Colonel Rhodes hadn't shown up."

"And all because of this.. palladium poisoning?" Steve tried to imagine Tony partying, drunk and in his suit. He couldn't figure out if it was comical or frightening.

"Well, in Sir's defense, it _**was **_his birthday, and he _**was **_dying!" Steve was a little surprised by the protective defensiveness in Jarvis' voice.

"Back in those days Sir didn't have a team to fall back on, and his admittedly irrational and unflattering behavior was driving both Mrs. Potts and Col. Rhodes away.. He was lonely and desperate. Besides, he did reconfigure the second Iron Man suit to James Rhodes -"

"I get it," Steve quickly said, though he wasn't sure if he did.

"But I just don't see Pepper not being there for him, if he really was dying."

"Sir opted not to tell anyone," the AI explained.

"Or at least he failed to do so."

Steve didn't really have anything to say to that, focused as he was on the unsettling feeling in his stomach growing with the fear of it. If Tony would hide the fact that he was _**dying **_from both Pepper and Colonel Rhodes..

What else would he be comfortable hiding?

…...

Pepper was the inevitable next step, but it still took over an hour, before Steve felt prepared to face her, and even then he somewhat hoped for a negative answer when he asked Jarvis if she was still in the building.

"She's in her office, Captain. Shall I notify her that you're coming by?"

"Yes please," Steve mumbled. It was better to give himself no choice but to go.

…...

"Come in," Pepper said and Steve stepped into her office.

He wasn't ever sure how to deal with her. In the beginning when she and Tony had been dating, and he and Tony had been fighting, she had been cold and distant, but impeccably professional.

But at some point, she had come to regard him with what seemed to be a level of hidden sympathy that had only grown after her and Tony's breakup.

And once he and Tony got together, she had seemed genuinely happy on their behalf.

Still, there was just something inherently awkward about the situation.

Pepper looked up from her papers, momentarily surprised as if she'd forgotten he was coming, before she lit up in a smile.

"Steve!" She said happily, and Steve greeted her politely.

Moments later he was seated across from her, and the full extent of how awkward this conversation was going to be, was starting to dawn on him. Oh well, he wasn't Captain of the Land of the Brave for nothing, was he?

"So, what can I help you with?" she said, and looked straight at Steve who did his best not to fidget.

"It's about Tony." he said.

"So I suspected," the CEO answered calmly. "Is he giving you a hard time?"

Steve shook his head. "No. Or I mean, sort of. It's.. complicated." He was relieved to see only sympathy in her eyes.

"Okay," she looked contemplative. "How do you think I can help?"

"Well.. I thought.. You've known Tony for a long time, and you're pretty close, and I mean, you even used to.. You know.." he trailed off. Pepper smiled, looking a little amused.

"We used to date, yes," the redhead said helpfully. "But as you may also have noticed we don't anymore – In part because things were, well.. complicated."

Steve was sure all the color must've left his face at her words. "I don't want to break up with him!" he said, a little too loud.

"I mean, it's not.. Not that complicated. It's more that he doesn't really seem to want to speak to me, and I don't really have any idea what's even going on!"

Pepper winced. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to insinuate – I just.. Wanted to warn you, that I might not have the solution to your, uhm.. Complications." She ran a hand through her hair. "I should've let you speak."

"So what, he's ignoring you?" she asked and Steve nodded. "That usually indicates there's something you ought to be discussing, but you're not," she said, then looked sharply at him.

"What is it that you two are not discussing, if I may ask?"

This time Steve did fidget. Talking to his boyfriend's ex about relationship issues was one thing. Sex was rather something else. Not to mention, Steve still just _**didn't like to talk about sex.**_

"Uh, it's a personal matter, so .. I trust this stays between the two of us?" he asked, and Pepper nodded "Of course."

And he really didn't have much choice than to jump straight to the point.

"You know we have sex, right?" he asked, feeling the blush creep up his neck.

"I would be surprised if you didn't!" Pepper said, and Steve felt somewhat relieved.

"So, we, uh. When two men have sex..." he said, and the heat was in his face now, and he just wanted to turn and run from the room. But he desperately needed some kind of help, so he didn't.

"When two men have, so to say, penetrative sex that is not oral.." he could really use a shovel right now, a good big one, so he could dig a grave to bury himself in.

"..usually one will be receiving and one will be giving, yes?" he phrased it as a question, though he already knew the answer.

Pepper, bless her, didn't even bat an eyelash.

"Obviously. That goes for heterosexual sex as well, you know. Though the roles are often more straight-forward."

Steve let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding. He wasn't sure what he'd been expecting, but sometimes it felt like something terrible was going to happen if he spoke too liberally.

"So that is probably..one of the things we ought to be discussing." he said. "Or at least that was how it began."

Pepper looked genuinely surprised at this. "What, it's a problem?" she said, then frowned.

"If he's sulking because you won't let him top you, then do tell him to man the hell up, not everyone are into that, it's perfectly normal to have a preference for either," she said, defensive on Steve's behalf, and it just made Steve blush more because she had it all backwards and he would have to explain that.

"It's-the-other-way-around," he said quickly, and he was sure he couldn't blush any harder.

"I just.. I just wanted to try and be the one on top, I didn't mean to scare him, I promise!" he blurted out, and now that he had said it, he found that he couldn't stop.

"But he made fun of me and called me a brat, and it was so unfair because I never ask for anything, do I?..He could've just declined politely.. And then we just messed around, and I thought I would just prove my point, that I'm stronger than him, but then he _**flipped out**_, and things have been weird ever since!" He didn't even know he had it in him to rant and whine so much. Love makes a fool out of every sane man, indeed.

Pepper looked at him for a little while, her expression unreadable. Finally, she said.

"So let me get this straight. You wanted to top, Tony gave you a bullshit-no rather than a proper no, and you went ahead and tried anyway? Steve, a bullshit-no is still a no." Her tone was final.

"But I wasn't gonna do _**anything**_!" Steve exclaimed, exasperated. "I would NEVER.. Look, Natasha has given me the whole "consent is sexy" speech already. Not that I didn't already know."

There was a flicker of sympathy in Pepper's eyes, but it was gone as quickly as it had been there. He felt like he was burning under her gaze, and desperately wanted to explain himself. He had to force himself to stay quiet.

"I'm not accusing you of rape, Steven." she said after a while. Steve winced at the word.

"I'm just saying.. It's important to be clear on these things. You should've talked about it much earlier. I mean, really _**talked **_about it."

She sighed.

"Look, I know how he can be.. it's very easy to get caught up in distractions and deflections.. But for some things it's important to have a clear and honest answer, okay?" Steve didn't even feel offended at her patronizing tone.

She was right, he had let himself be let astray.

"I know," he said, deflated. "I was acting in affect."

Pepper looked at him a moment – hard – then her gaze softened.

"Done is done," she said, and waved a hand. "No use feeling bad about it now, you just gotta figure out where to go from here."

Steve nodded.

Pepper nodded.

They were quiet for a while. Then Steve caught Pepper's eyes and cleared his throat.

"So, uhm.. Where do I go from here?"

"Oh, yeah. That." Pepper said. "I don't really know. I don't have much to offer. It's not like Tony ever slept with any men while I was his assistant."

Now it was Steve's turn to look surprised.

"What, never? But I thought he, uh.." what had Hawkeye said? "..got around."

Pepper shook her head.

"Well, there were plenty of women, mind you! But guys, no. Not that he took home at least, or went home with, that I know of." This was completely new information to Steve, and he had to stop to consider all that he'd thought he knew about Tony and his sexuality.

Maybe it would have been practical if he'd learned to speak about sex a little sooner.

"So, he was.. seemingly heterosexual.. until he met me?" Steve asked, not at all sure how to feel about that. He was pretty sure it shouldn't make him feel any more or any less anything, but there was just _**something **_about that..

"Well, I don't know about that.." Pepper said, shaking her head.

"You know, flirting kind of comes as easy as breathing to him, and he certainly did that in kind to people of all genders.." She looked thoughtful.

"In the beginning I thought he was afraid of his image if he was known to be sleeping with men, but the Tony Stark I came to know as my boss wouldn't really care about petty stuff like that.. So yeah, I guess I assumed he was just not into guys like that. I'm sure there would've been interested parties if he'd been willing." She looked up at Steve and smiled.

"Maybe he was always curious, but no one had that extra something that you do? Maybe he needs to be romantically interested in guys to be sexually attracted to them? There were all kinds of explanations.. I didn't really question it when you two started dating."

Her smile turned into a frown.

"But I didn't take him for someone who would give you shit for wanting to try out different stuff in the bedroom."

"Well, he didn't so much give me shit, as he kind of.. panicked. I think."

Pepper bit her lower lip, and broke eye-contact in favor of staring out of the window for a few moments. When she looked back, worry marred her features.

"So you said. I don't like it." there was something matter-of-factly about the way she said it, but Steve could sense that she REALLY didn't like it.

"There are things Tony don't like," she said slowly.

"There were always things he didn't like, like being handed things, and then there were things he came back from Afghanistan with a dislike of. That's when I started to think there might be more to it, than just him acting the eccentric billionaire.."

"He's not one to panic about things, usually. If he gets out of his comfort-zone he'll joke about it, he'll deflect, and he will avoid getting to a point where he'll have to deal with it.

Only if someone _**keeps pushing **_him, he might panic about it."

Steve nodded, he knew this. And he usually knew better than to push matters, too. Hell, it wasn't like he didn't have his own things he'd rather not be revisiting. He'd just never thought of this as potentially one of those things..

"I.. really don't like the notion, that being topped by another man could be one of those things." Her voice was small. He had thought it too, but it jarred him to hear her say it.

"Me neither." Steve said sincerely, feeling dumb for stating the obvious, but unable to put words to any of the thoughts in his head.

"I'm sorry I can't tell you more.." Pepper said, and she looked genuinely sorry.

"I don't entirely know what this is about, but if I were you, I'd tread carefully. Tony doesn't like to be seen as weak, or a victim." Steve had to wince at the word "victim", he sure as hell didn't like to think of Tony as a victim either!

"Hopefully this is a matter of eccentricity, or hopefully he is just being a jerk and a dramaqueen.." Steve could tell she didn't really believe that herself, even though she wasn't the one who'd seen the sheer _**hatred **_in his eyes when -

He was startled out of his dark thoughts, when Pepper started talking again.

"There aren't many left alive, whom I could think of to shed light on this.. Not that I would've trusted Stane's opinion anyway.." she frowned as she spoke the name. Wasn't he Howard and later Tony's business-partner, who'd "died in a plane-crash?" (Steve had figured it most likely wasn't the whole truth, and that he must've gotten caught up in the first Iron Man incident. The still-bristling-hot anger in Pepper's eyes made him second-guess on which side.)

"Ideally you should speak to Tony about this.." she said wistfully, and the anger was hidden away again.

"But that's not easy if he put the lab in lock-down. You're gonna have to wait him out anyway, but.." she bit her lip.

"You can't hurt anyone by seeking out information while he's sulking. You probably know this, but Rhodey has known him since MIT, that is, since Tony was a teenager. If you can convince him that your intentions are pure, you might have a chance of getting some more information.."

Steve hoped she was right, though he was starting to get the feeling that he might not like the answers he was looking for..

_End note:_

_You were forewarned! So. Much. Dialogue. And a somewhat different style from the other chapters, that jumped more in time. Buut time is slowing down, the action becoming more tense. I hope you weren't super disappointed about this development^^" I just kind of go with whatever works for the chapter, not particularly going for stylistic consistency, tbh._

_I'm a little unsure of Steve's characterization here, if I've made him too *young* somehow, all things considered/if he's acting too irrationally. But I also happen to be of the belief that Steve is very human, and quite emotional, and I could see him acting something like the way he does in the conversation with Pepper, when under considerable emotional pressure/fear for Tony and himself/their relationship._


	5. Chapter 35

**Author's note: Life seems to be conspiring against me these days, no sooner did I have a new computer, than I went and killed my hand.. Now I have tendovaginitis, which thankfully doesn't mean my vagina is tender, but is instead some kind of inflammation of the sinews (in my right hand)**

**Basically, I'm not supposed to use it at all for a long while, so I have to write with only my left hand. This is very much a hassle, and surprisingly tough, so for now I have given up on the long chapter I was going to write next, and instead you get this little extra. ^^ (I'm working on it, but it could take me a while, atleast I won't promise anything as for a time limit.) (Not to mention that trying to do my math course in left-hand takes much more extra time than I would've thought. Yaaay.)**

Natasha considered herself at times somewhat above human emotions, but in moments of clarity and doubt, she thought she might rather be below them.

And she really shouldn't be WORRIED about her teammates. As much was for sure.

She could admit to a general gut-feeling that could be described as such, but certainly it was a worry directed at the teamdynamics rather than the individual characters causing trouble at the moment.

There was no reason to worry, because as far as she could see, this was all old business.

Steve might be moping around, but he had battled the depression of losing all of his loved one's on his own, and won. And this was before he and Tony were even on firstname basis. While Natasha honestly thought Stark and Rogers were good for each other, this was also in large part due to the fact that they did _**not**_ appear to be extremely codependent.

As for Tony, she wasn't entirely sure what had triggered his recent descent into anxious irrationality, but she was pretty sure it was exactly that. A trigger, a reminder of past events rather than something new . The past, whatever it may entail, was far gone by, and whatever this thing was, Tony had obviously been functioning fine in spite of it so far.

Well, as "fine" as the erratic engineer's behaviour could ever be considered, but he had proven himself a worthy ally despite her initial doubts, and to Natasha that was all that mattered.

It didn't change the feeling deep in her stomach, foreign and intrusive as it always seemed to her. If she was worried for the team, did that mean she had to act for the team? Was this feeling even anything to go by? Feelings were things shrouded in irrationality, who was to say if there even WAS reason to worry -

"You're giving me a headache with all that loud thinking.." a dry voice commented, and Natasha whipped her head to the side to stare at Clint.

"You don't actually have psychic powers, Hawkeye." she used his codename to remind him of the various tests SHIELD had conducted to check for just that.

"I don't need telepathy to know you're brooding over our two resident lovebirds in peril, Tash." the nickname was an effective antidote to the codenaming, and Natasha recognized and accepted the subtle manipulation.

So Clint wanted to talk about this as friends, not as teammates and agents. She could run with that.

"Well, the chances are good, yes." she turned a bit in the chair, looking at the archer who was currently lying in her bed with his shoes on. Bitch.

"Why are you on my floor anyway, Barton?" she asked, not quite ready to accomodate his request for first names yet. He'd shown up not long after the debriefing, but up until now he hadn't said a word.

Those were a lot of hours of silence for her smart-mouthed comrade.

"I thought we should conduct a master-spy-plan, codenamed "making Cap and Shellhead kiss and make up"". He answered innocently.

Natasha sighed. "It's perhaps not quite as simple as that.."

"I know," Clint quickly interjected, as he sat up with a ruffle of sheets.

"So talk to me. You're the one who's supposed to master this stuff, I need input!"

Natashas lips quirked up at the desperation in his voice. The realization that Clint did worry, made her feel strangely relieved.

"I don't know much more than the obvious.."

"Obvious to you," Clint interjected, but she ignored him.

"For the past weeks something has been up between Stark and Rogers, most likely pertaining to their sexual life, considering Steve's behaviour at times where his smell indicates-"

"Ew, Nat, gross."

"Shut up, Clint." And he'd won. Except she'd let him.

"In any case, something was up, Steve looked mildly agitated, Tony was more annoying than usual."

"See, Tash, these things are NOT obvious. I didn't realize anything was the matter before a few days ago."

Natasha snorted. "And you call yourself a spy?"

"Pretty sure "agent" and "superhero" covers my jobdesciption these days.. Not to mention yours."

"One time a spy always a spy."

"That's about scouts, ya know." Clint said, but without force. "So superspy! What's the verdict. why is Tony making an ass out of himself in front of Coulson?"

Natasha shrugged.

"Obviously he and Steve had some kind of disagreement, Steve managed to do something stupid, and Tony didn't take well to it.. "

Clint nodded along. "Yes, well. What I really want to know is where we go from here. What's the master plan?"

Natasha looked firmly at him.

"Now we do nothing."

"Excuse you?" Clint looked at her with raised eyebrows. "Since when have you been anti-intervention?"

Natasha smirked.

"Since never. But there's a time and a place. We should give the two of them a chance to figure this out on their own." The moment she said it, she knew it to be true.

Clint looked at her a moment, his expression growing serious. "This isn't just about them, Natasha. It's about the team."

Natasha calmly met his eyes.

"And for the team, we will keep our noses out of our teammates' private business."

"But is it really private, though, Nat? How can we trust-"

"Because that's how it works, Clint!" she said with more force than was perhaps necessary, then visibly cooled down.

"I won't be a part of any scheming until I have actual reason to believe anyone's life is threatened. Anything below that doesn't concern me. And don't look at me like that makes me a cold bitch-"

"I'm not." He really wasn't.

They were silent for a bit, then Clint fell back on the bed with a sigh.

"Okaaaaaay, moom." he whined, and Natasha took a minute to mentally shift gears. Then she smiled and coated her voice in sugar.

"Good boy!"

_End note:_

_Thanks for reading! I am so sorry for all the waiting. But selfishly I'm more sorry that I can't use my hand, because GRRRR. All these short chapters essentially consist of things I wasn't intending to have in the story, but was thinking was happening on the site. Doing this, I hope at least some good will come of all this downtime, by broadening the narrative._


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